Posts

Showing posts from 2011

Blue skies

Lately I have seen a lot of small patches of blue sky through a gap in the clouds. It reminds me each time, that there are always good things to come. One of my many books at home in the library has an old proverb in it that says, "Into every life, a little rain must fall."  As much rain as we get in my hometown, I still embrace it each time the skies open up and the rain comes down. 

While it may seem drab & dreary to others when the skies are grey and overcast, I choose to look at it a bit differently.  The clouds may block out the sun, but they also bring the rain. With the rain, the flowers will spring forth and blossom.  So the next time it is looking a bit grey outside and everyone thinks it is another dark and dismal day, look up and see if you can find a patch of blue sky through the clouds.  It is there for those who look and choose to see it. It is a sign that there are brighter days to come.

Oh Captain, My Captain

As it is known throughout the shipping and marine industry, the captain is always the last one off the ship and when worse comes to worse, he even goes down with the ship.  Oh Captain, My Captain is a poem written by the late Walt Whitman. It is about the Captain lying dead on the deck as his ship returns to the dock one last time.

In life we are each our own Captain. We guide things along, see to it that our vessel is seaworthy and our crew competent. Their safety is in our hands as long as we are on the water.  We try to keep things on an even keel, pray for smooth sailing and when the storms hit- we look to the horizon for the sun and land, hoping the journey will soon be over. When the ship finally docks in safe harbors, we breathe a sigh of relief. But at some point we feel the itch to hit the seas again, turning the wheel and heading for open waters...

But there are ships out there that shouldn't be. Ships with defects, faults or flaws if you will. It's only a matter of …

What was that like?

Relationships often start off with feelings of excitement and giddiness. We look at someone and suddenly we start planning our future together with them.  They do things we find irresistible and the floodgates of swooning open up... WIDE!

Sometimes this lasts a month or so, for others it may last a few months or a year, but eventually the metal parts lose their shine and the silver starts to tarnish. Even gold and platinum get dirty and the luster begins to lack. 

Couples either adjust, tough it out or throw in the towel. Is it possible to manage a 'recovery' and bring things back around to what they were before? Not likely when feelings have been sacrificed, one side has been taken advantage of and there is no remorse to be found in the land of the living... 

When the partners are equal, things happen naturally. There is little to no effort involved with doing things to please the other. They listen, they know, they trust and they understand. Often things are shared without…

Ebb and flow

Some of us like consistency in life. We like order, routines and things to be planned out well in advance in order for it all to go smoothly. Others crave spontaneity. Bolting for far away places on a wing and a prayer.   Either side has to accept there will be things that cross over.

For those wanting the 'constant' things in life, stuff will happen that interrupts the schedule of daily plans. Stuff breaks, traffic accidents cause jams, people get sick and you need to direct your attention to resolving these matters before you can go back to your 'normal' routines. 

The spontaneous group has to realize there are specific deadlines in life that are to be met- rent or mortgage, car payments or at the very least utilities and car insurance bills need to be paid. Routine maintenance on your vehicle needs to be done, annual medical and dental checkups, but other than that, you are free to do as you please.

Some of the consistant people are so rigid in their schedules ther…

Don't hush me

As I mentioned in my last post, I have people who are cyber stalking my posts here. Clinging to the very words I write and hoping to find some shred of whatever they can, to paint me the villain in their world.  Because I am such a horrible and rotten Pixie after all...

You can all stop laughing and rolling your eyes now.  I only marginally 'watch what I say' or post about here. Really not that tough when you say what you mean and mean what you say. Mum taught me long ago to be a straight up kind of person. It has always stuck with me.

I have thought of taking this blog to private, but is that really fair? Should I have to not only limit what I say, but hide it all too?  All the while I am being watched, knowing I am under their scrutiny, I have never wondered about them. Why? Well, two reasons actually. 1) I don't really care and 2) I have no use for people like them. I just have less to fret over since they are making a point of concerning themselves with things in my …

Blogger challenge

For anyone who has read the blog of the Cranky Old Man he recently began following me but also named me in a challenge. I love his blog for his unrepentant way of stating things.  Your a man after my own heart, Cranky!  

Here is what you do. You list blog posts that fall under each category, then 7 blogs to pass the challenge on to. So hang on, because here goes-

Most Beautiful- I would say this one has to be the poem about being by the beach.
Wanna get away?

Most Popular- By the number of comments alone, I would have to say there is a tie between a few posts, but Really? seems to have gotten its due here.

Most Controversial- without a doubt, Bad Pixie? Yep that's me!

Most Helpful-  Roots

Post whose success surprised-  Toxic Friendships  Didn't think I would get some of the responses I did, but then if 85% of women in the poll admitted to this- why wouldn't it?

Post that got undeserved attention- It's the little things Though I'm really not sure it got undeserved …

Because of a friend

Image
Because of a friend,
I swallowed my pride.
I picked up the phone
and put the past aside.

I did what I could,
to help a friend in need.
It's just what you do,
in times like these.

When she called at a time,
that she normally didn't...
I answered the phone,
Never crossed my mind- I wouldn't.

To hear that she needed,
the help that she did
She turned to me,
when others just hid.

How could they do that?
Do they have no shame?
Apparently not.
They all play games.

As the plans fell through
On favors I sought,
things fell into place,
as she fell, she was caught.

But because of a friend,
I picked up the phone.
If I hadn't that day,
I might not have grown.

The things in the past,
that I had put aside.
May have gone unchanged,
Where part of me had died.

Instead they were new,
refreshed and restored.
A little different now,
maybe better than before.

So because of a friend,
someone I held dear,
has returned to their place
in my heart, always near.

Toxic friendships

How many of us can admit to having a toxic friendship?
You know the types-

-the self absorbed
-the downer
-the critic
-the underminer
and
-the flakes? 

I know at least three of these.  One person being two of them combined...

Apparently, according to a poll in Self magazine 84% of women have toxic friendships!  That's a pretty large number when you think about it.  What is even more frightening- wondering how many of them there actually are?

The one person I know is both a flake and a critic. Unreliable, but is beyond critical when they do show up.  In a way, I guess they are a bit of a narcisist too, since they show up or call only when it suits them, nobody else.

I also know someone who is or can be a narcisitic drain. Life is all about them. They know that nobody else matters, why don't the rest of us get that? What is there to understand? It's all about ME? As long as you play along- life is good. Utter something of importance that happened to you? Well who has t…

Really?

What is it with some people that they just can't be happy? For themselves, for others, nothing and nobody can help them be happy.  They are fussy, never satisfied, always have to put others down, poke fun, call names and sometimes it turns into outright bullying.  Their comments are degrading, judgemental, often racist, carry heavy prejudices, but in the end, show their own flaws at their finest. 

I find it is often those who are the most afraid, who fight, scream and yell the loudest. They are quick to find fault in others, because they do the exact same things themselves. The familiarity of it all rears it's head. Rather than fix me, I will aim my aggression and frustrations at others.

They cause a stir so as not to be overshadowed. How dare you step into MY spotlight! How could you try to leave me behind? Why would you?  I'm the reason you are here or have made it this far. I can do better, I know everything. Their tantrums are EPIC and unbearable at times.

And yet wh…

Love, Twu luv

Those are the words the preacher speaks from the movie The Princess Bride as she is marrying Prince Humperdink.

L- is for the way you look at me
O- is for he only one I see
V- is very, very
E-xtra ordinary...

and that is a good way of putting it, since love like that seems to be very extraordinary these days. 

I heard a song by Vince Gil this morning. Whenever You Come Around. It speaks of the effects a person can have on us when they are near.  Vince Gil sings- 
I get weak in the knees
and I lose my breath, 
Oh I try to speak
but the words won't come,
I'm so scared to death.
When you smile that smile,
The world turns upside down,
Whenever you come around...

I think at some point we all know a person who makes our heart flutter. Hearing their voice, we just melt. Is it possible to love someone too much?

Writers block

I wanted to put something up to let you know, I am still here, but I'm a bit stumped at what to post next. I know that all in due time, something will come to mind and I will have plenty of material to work with. Until then, if anyone has any ideas, feel free to post them in the comments and maybe that will set off some spark in my head or a discussion that will lead to more.

It's the little things

One of my good friends recently received a gift. A substantial gift, something they hadn't expected and yet something they had dreamed about.  That's what friends do.  They help each other out when they can. Not for what they may receive in return, but simply because they could. 
Some people say you can't put a price on friendship.  I disagree. Some friendships I have had over the years, have ended based on other things, but in the end there was also- money. How much has been loaned out or spent on others- that's the cost of how much they valued my friendship. I view those people as whore$. My payment is for nothing more than their service of screwing me over and for them to go away. 

Some friends you never loan anything, love, thoughts or even a life preserver as they go under. If you were to throw them a bone now and then, you would honestly aim for their head.  Others you'd give them a vital organ if they needed it.

My good friend and I were discussing this. …

Where Dreams go to die

Somewhere there is a place nearby
where rarely there is but a dry eye,
A place where tears ebb and flow
A place where some dare not to go.

A place so dark, dreary and drab
Sometimes a place scattered with slabs,
Stone and granite, chiseled and carved
Where thoughts and hope are often starved.

It's not always close or even far
To reach this place, it's where you are,
A place that is rarely as it would seem
Certainly not a palace of dreams.

It is instead a place of despair
A place where often be still the air,
What is this place? It is no lie,
It's the place where Dreams go to die.

Nothing grows there trees, grass, nor weeds
The wind doesn't blow to scatter their seeds.
The air instead is calm and still
For all is lost- hope and will.

Beneath the ground these dreams are buried
Beyond existence their reasons varied,
Those who held these Dreams so true
have given up and you shall too.

The sun may shine, the rain may fall
Promises broken to one and all,
Once you're ther…

I wish you the best

With the recent loss of a friendship, I want to make something clear.  I do not wish them any ill intent in life. I may not understand why they behaved the way they did, the basis of their decisions or anything else about why they have chosen to walk away, but it doesn't mean I need to wish for anything bad to happen to them.

Instead I wish the best for them.  May you find peace and tranquility in the life you have chosen.  To know you are turning your back on me for someone else you just met? I can not say I understand your choice, but I can respect your wishes that we no longer speak or be in touch.

I can also clearly say at this time, if things are to change later on in life, you choose to re-open those lines of communication and expect me to pick up where we left off as if nothing happened...  I honestly don't know how I will handle it if that day comes.  I may or may not welcome you back with open arms.  You will just have to take what you get. Just saying you're sor…

Deliberate disobedience

Similar to deliberate deception, but not quite the same. One is lying, the other is often followed by lying. You decide which is which.  Either way, both are disrespectful.

One door closes

We have all heard the saying.

When one door closes another one opens...
There's an alternative to this, that another door may open but getting through the hallway is a real bitch!  I'm pretty sure we have all been there too.  Life isn't always easy or pretty.

But what happens when you are in the room where the door is now closed?  Is there a window? Is it open or will it ever?

All good things must come to an end.  A lot of people have probably heard or lived this one too.  And when those 'good things' come to an end, is there something saying it is to be a happy ending? Not all of them are. 

I am experiencing a door closing, a 'good thing' or at least what I may have thought was a good thing at one time, coming to an end.  This ones star seems to have fizzled out. It happens and I am not upset. Disappointed? Immensely, yes. I am losing someone I considered a friend. Maybe a lot more than a friend, more like family. 

What really saddens me in all of this…

Silent observation

People watching can be an interesting past time.  It can be fun, enlightening and at the same time you may find yourself thinking things about people you don't know, that are so far off base- it's not even funny.

The other day I was thinking in depth, about a person I have come to know. Funny thing is, what I have come to know about this person is a lot of strange things. An odd compilation of weird occurrances. Things I may not have asked about, things I may not need to have knowledge of, but it's there. I know about it. Nothing anyone can say or do will erase this knowledge that I possess.

We all have our own quirks and oddities. Things we like, things we don't, stuff we share, stuff we do not speak of. There are those who try to remain somewhat private and others who poke their damn nose into everyone elses business.  Some people remain in the background and are happy with that, while others have to fight everyone elses battles for them, even (or maybe especially) w…

Decisions, decisions

I have recently been complimented.  Someone I know who holds a substantial bit of authority over me, complimented me by saying I have knowledge that far exceeds theirs in a different category.  Essentially- they said I know my stuff.  How awesome is that?

I was also granted insight into their world as to events and happenings, things others are not aware of.  A kingdom is being built and they will be assuming their rightful position at the throne.  This is all because of their hard work, dedication and interest as well as their passion for something they love.

Where do I fall in all of this? I have been invited to participate. They are hoping to learn, want me to share my knowledge and spread what I know to others... It is all for the good of those who are willing to learn.   Good news, right? Well that's where the hard part comes in.

I am still on the fence with this. It is all sorta in the final stages, but nothing is dead certain yet.  Even when it is- those in charge say go, p…

Bad Pixie? Yep, that's me!

I have recently found a website that is authored by a woman who is dealing with how her life has been changed following her husbands traumatic brain injury. In reading through her notations of his behavior, outbursts, threats, and several other issues she has come to deal with as they present themselves, I can't help but notice the profound number of similarities between her husband and someone I know very well.

The one major difference is the timing of the occurrance of the brain injury. Her husband behaves this way as a result of his brain injury. The person I know behaves the way they do and may recieve a brain injury (think frying pan to the head) as a result. Although I would never do it, believe me, some days it is mighty tempting...

A good friend of mine shared a bit of medical insight on all of this.

"Post concusion syndrome or low grade brain injuruies do have a profound impact on personality, and are very often missed when the injury involves no LOC or very short LO…

Uncharted Worlds

Image
Most of us can easily say we know someone close to us, well enough that not much they do or say surprises us. We know what they like or don't, what their favorite color is or not. Sometimes we do, but sometimes we don't.

What happens then? When the person we think we know so well, comes out of left field with a bombshell that rocks our world... Did we even see it coming? Did we ignore the signs along the way of what was to come?

Sometimes we just miss all the marks of what makes people tick. We ignore what may be something significant to them, only to miss out on all of the additional things it brings with it. Whether we chose to ignore the obvious or just missed it along the way, we do not get to explore that part of their world and what it brings. Often times, you miss it once and the door is closed for good. Sometimes you may get a second chance, but often you don't.

We may not realize the depths of their thoughts, the strength in their convictions, their gift…

Friggatriskaidekaphobia

Fear of Friday the 13th. For some people this is their reality. Lucky for them there is only one Friday the 13th this year. Next year there will be more...

There are just about as many ideas or "reasons" behind Friday the 13th being "bad" as there are people putting thought into it. It is only by facing your fears, that you may get over them. Celebrate this day as you would any other. Embrace it and enjoy it.

Just don't walk under any ladders, watch out for black cats, don't break any mirrors, and don't spill the salt. Mkay?

What did you really want?

Ever notice how we sometimes surround ourselves with small reminders of someone or something from our past?  Little things stand out in our daily lives to remind us of them.  They may have passed or are still with us, but there are reminders all around us, both good and bad.  Pennies from Heaven? They happen all the time.
Ever have that connection with someone that bridges time and distances to put you right back where you may not want to be?  Thinking of them brings them back into our lives, even when we know full well- no good can ever come of this... 

It is an intense connection to put it ever so slightly. We know of their toxins and how they affect our lives.  All we have to do is think of them and out of what may seem like nowhere- here they come.  We know they are a bad influence, but for some reason we cannot shake them loose. We cannot cut the ties that bind or get away from them even when we try.  They are almost worse than an addictive substance. They cling, sticking to us…

Roots

Roots are a good thing, lest anyone may possibly forget. Roots help keep the ground intact when the rains come. Roots may also lie dormant, while the top of a plant seems to die. What you see is not always what you get. 

Roots help establish things. Once the roots are grown, it is much like the foundation of a house or building.  You may tear down the walls, but the foundation is still there, ready to support something new.

Same goes for plants and their roots.  Leaves may come and go, spring forth and die off, but as long as the roots survive- it can come back with a bit of care.  Sometimes the roots are where it's at, such as potatoes, ginger or carrots.

Like the roots on a plant, sometimes we forget where we come from, what we have learned and what has helped make us who we are today.  Then it happens. Something hits you square in the face as a reminder. Go back to your roots. They will tell you what you need to grow from here. 

As the spring rains come, the garden starts to…

Wanna get away?

Image
She sits and stares
Out across the beach,
Thinks of her kids
What life holds for each.

She takes in the water,
Looking out at the waves,
Thinks of her own life,
And how things have changed.

The salt in the air,
The warmth of the sun,
The soft ocean breeze,
What life has become.

The wind in her hair,
The clouds in the sky,
The peace that she feels,
As the day drifts by.

She buries her toes,
Deep in the sand,
Kicks off her sandals,
Leaves them where they land.

She has come to enjoy,
This much slower pace,
The smile that she holds,
Etched deep in her face.

She walks on the beach,
Whenever she pleases,
The sand and the waves,
Her troubles, it eases.

No deep concerns,
No time constraints,
She does as she pleases,
And no longer waits.

For others to do things,
Or make good on their word,
She smiles at the seagulls,
Just enjoying her world.

Pass the ketchup

Image
The other day I was out and about when I had an amazing thing happen to me. I was in the zone and focused on something in my mind.  I was meditating on some level and reconnecting with my inner sense of harmony when I noticed something following me. Nothing bad, but it was incredibly large. It wasn't exactly following me either, but more like hovering over me in a protective way.  I seen the large shadow of one of my protectors on the ground, traveling alongside of me.

How large? Well now, considering the size of an average Pixie- it was Huge, at least to me.  In comparison to a normal person? It was stull pretty large and of a substantial size.  It was not only large on it's own, but also had something of nearly the same size that was accompanying it on it's endeavor.  Following closely along behind if you will.

I was not frightened by this, but rather soothed in knowing that I have something of an extremely larger scale than life, watching my back.  It is also a reminder…

Pedestals require cleaning

Ok so in the past few posts and a few posts in other places, it seems that not only my own self confidence and worth has been shaken a bit. In some cases it feels like an earthquake measuring at least a 15 on the Richter scale has hit a few of us.  Considering we are scattered geographically, sounds like the planet is about to bounce off the axis on which it turns.   Maybe we had better put our seat belts on for this one!

In reading a post on Fern's blog, I noticed she can get rattled when she's around certain people. A bit of self descriptive perspective- my world is rattled at best, around one certain person vs. being around others.  A bit of self directed thoughts of WTH? Why do we do this? and I may have found an answer- we put them on a pedestal of sorts and revere them as somehow knowing more, being better or ???? than we see ourselves.

My "Rattler" has shaken my confidence in myself and what I know. He has also taken the fun and passion out of something I love…

Sheltering or shattering?

Why is it those who are closest to us seem to cause us the most pain and distress?  Usually they do it without even thinking or realizing it either.  Things between me and my other half (MOH) have been going through some serious changes recently. The applecart has not only been upset, but rather more likely rolled over and flattened in some instances.  Feelings have been shut out and the walls have gone up.  Trust has been broken and in some ways, so grossly tread upon to the point of being beyond hope, let alone sturdy enough to withstand any repairs.  The very foundation of things has been rocked and shaken, not just stirred.

I have recently suffered a pretty significant blow in life on a personal level. In dealing with it and the costs involved, (financial and emotional) my other half felt the need to step in and 'handle things' for me. I didn't really need the help and could have dealt with everything, pretty much myself, but I let him do it anyways.  Accepting and app…

Into the looking glass

I guess sometimes we have to look back at where we came from, to get an idea of where we are going. Sometimes we do this to remember what we were like before, or to enable ourselves to shift away from the things we disliked about our behavior.  We look at how we used to do things, what we are doing now, what we never allowed compared to what we allow now... 

We may like what we see, or maybe not.  One thing a lot of us do is find fault within ourselves too easily. We also focus on the I should have, could have, would have, etc.  The things that seem to stand out in our minds? The bad stuff, the meanest things we have ever heard, the ugly and the negative... 

Why is it we lose sight or track of the fun we shared with someone? Why do we lose sight of our goals, because of a few things one person says?  Why is it so easy to just give in and give up? Why is it so easy to point fingers and lay blame- on someone else?  Because we don't have to face them when we look in the mirror.

Look…

Dawning of a New Year

I am a little late in writing this post, but I have finally gotten around to it. Better late than never.  With the new year, a lot of people are making their resolutions. Deciding on what they need to work on improving this year. I haven't really gotten around to thinking about it yet.  After all, what does a bad pixie like me need to work on?

There have been a few revelations on my part lately. A few good long looks in the mirror and some outsider insight into things.  Thankfully someone else sees the things I somehow missed...

I am still on the fence about my one main goal for the year.  I think it may be one of a few things.  I don't want to say what they are, as then I am committed to those things. I want to try keeping my options open for now.