Toxic friendships

How many of us can admit to having a toxic friendship?
You know the types-

-the self absorbed
-the downer
-the critic
-the underminer
and
-the flakes? 

I know at least three of these.  One person being two of them combined...

Apparently, according to a poll in Self magazine 84% of women have toxic friendships!  That's a pretty large number when you think about it.  What is even more frightening- wondering how many of them there actually are?

The one person I know is both a flake and a critic. Unreliable, but is beyond critical when they do show up.  In a way, I guess they are a bit of a narcisist too, since they show up or call only when it suits them, nobody else.

I also know someone who is or can be a narcisitic drain. Life is all about them. They know that nobody else matters, why don't the rest of us get that? What is there to understand? It's all about ME? As long as you play along- life is good. Utter something of importance that happened to you? Well who has time to deal with such insignificant, matters and such piddly things anyways?  Really now, dahling.

How do you deal with people like this? Well starting with an arms distance is good. Futher is better in some cases... But for some reason, some of us keep them around and can offer no real reason as to why?  Some don't like confrontation, others there is just some kind of draw. I guess we all have our own reasons, but is it really a good thing to have them around? If they were an object would you kick it to the curb? Probably!

Comments

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. And again with spell check!
    I have had a couple people like that in my life, and quite honestly ,I don't know why I seemed to let them stay ,it becomes almost a negative feedback thing , Eventually I just became quite simply exhausted by them and let then walk over and right past me , too tired to ask them to stay or stop . They do a lot of damage, and I have yet to figure out what need in them it feeds, in me it must have been a masochistic streak!

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  3. Ugh!! I know of the narcisstic drain. He is a male friend who whines and whines and whines...then if you talk about yourself, he's looking around the room. No wonder his wife kicked him to the curb.

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  4. Hey! Came to check out your blog from a comment you left on Cranky Old Man. Doncha love him? Anyhow, I am enjoying my visit here!

    This is a great post. The people I know like this are all family members :(( So, I'm kind of stuck with them. The narcissist creates drama at every family function, even her own wedding. VERY draining. Usually I just try to ignore and not feed into it but it still rankles.

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  5. They are quite draining as we have all experienced. Distancing us from them is half the battle, but the article goes on to say that many of us keep these people around, simply because we don't want the hassle of confrontation.

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  6. You know what I do? I just take the positive from each friendship. For example: "Sarah" is very self-absorbed. Only talks about herself. You can't even get a word in with her. If you do start up a conversation that is about you, she just looks for an opportune moment to interrupt with something that pertains to her. Me: "yeah, so my grandfather had a massive heart attack last night. He might not make it." Sarah: "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That reminds me, I really need to get my cholesterol tested! Heart attacks run in my family. In fact, last night felt a pain right here (pointing to her chest) and I almost called you. What do you think that might have been? I'm thinking I need to get it checked out...." Then the next day when I mention my grandfather, she will say something like, "Why is he in the hospital? Is he sick?" She didn't even HEAR what I said that day before. Why not? Because she is so self absorbed. So why keep a friend like that? Because, despite that little annoying quirk she has, her kids play with my kids, she's the first to volunteer to help you out when you need something, and she's actually very fun to hang around with and she has a great sense of humor. I just know that when I have a problem or I need to talk, I do NOT go to her, I choose another friend. I have many friends, and they all have positives and negatives about their personalities. Some are "toxic" - yes - but even those who are toxic have positive qualities.

    Sorry for the long comment! I tend to write way too much. But I DO eventually come up for air :)

    Katrina
    They All Call Me Mom

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  7. I've had SO many 'friends' who were toxic. And years later, when I look back, I don't know that I would say many of them were really my friends at all.

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  8. Katrina- we all keep the toxins around for some reason. They can be useful, helpful, skilled at something we are not, but when the bad outweighs the good- they need to GO!

    Memphis Steve- I know what you mean. Have and had a few of those myself. Again distance is good once you admit THEY have a problem. lol

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