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Showing posts from 2012

More than expected

One rule in life is to always be careful what you wish for. When casting spells and brewing in the cauldron, be specific. Be very specific. But at the same time- be careful. Be very, VERY careful.  Since finding my hearts freedom I have subconsiously been longing for someone to fill the void.  
There has been a person in my life for several years now. Someone I didn't speak to often, but when we did it was strictly business.  We joked, we jest, but nothing has ever come of it. Not until recently and I honestly can't really remember how this crazy mess all got started.

There are so many ironies in the crossing of our paths, it is incredible. Stunning at times and often quite difficult to grasp, then all of a sudden it flows together so well. I longed for him. And without even knowing it- I called for him. Now that he is finally here, there are times I have tried to shut him out, push him away and fear he isn't what I had thought. Until I had so recently realised what I had…

Unchained

Long ago I gave my heart to a man
Once upon a time

Little did I know that my best interests
Were not what he had in mind

He bound my heart in ways unforseen
Encircled with a chain

Disguised it came presented as a gift
For his memory to remain

In time it revealed the truth it held
my heart it had enslaved

But I held him dear and loved him so
His presence I so craved.

Years had passed and time went on
The memories they faded

My heart still bound by the chain
My perception fogged and jaded

Until the day it finally happened
I heard from him no more

My heart had been released of his grip
and was free upon the shore

His grip was loosened the chain slipped off
The burden had been eased

My mind slipped back to happier times
My heart was quite relieved

It came off with a fling almost unnoticed
It sailed off unseen

To land somewhere upon the earth
Amid the grasses green

I've no desire to find the chain
nor the man who gave it

I enjoy the peace I have found
at that I choose to leave it.

Moments of truth

Sometimes things happen that we overlook at the moment. When we go back and recount our steps, relive the past and resurect it all in our minds, sometimes it is those little things that stand out. The little things can sometimes make a very bold statement and knock you flat. When you piece things together, it all adds up and makes sense. Too much at times or more than we want to admit at the very least.

It is but those moments of epiphanies, self realization and if nothing else, things that pop into our head in the middle of the night, those things that make sense all of a sudden, pointing out the truth behind them all along. Those truths can be fairly scary for some people to come to realize. Did they fail? Are they posturing? Are they retaliating for their own shortcomings? Are they in denial of how bad things are? Do they have any clue as to how bad their own behaviour is? Have they done things to mar a relationship? If they did, did they do anything about fixing it?

In these mome…

Grounded

There are so many things to be said about this one simple word.

There are flightless birds. They are grounded.

There is a sense of being 'grounded' and keeping your feet on the ground while your dreams take flight.

Of course there is being 'grounded' as punishment which surely we all were at some point when growing up.

I guess the context in which the word is used is where we each find it's meaning. Sometimes the meaning is found on a personal level.

Unsettled hurt

I recently had a run in with a former ex of mine.  While it was nice to see him again for a change, it was also something that shook up my day. The following day I was in a foul mood because of it and just grouchy with everyone in general.

I know the reasons why we are no longer together, yet when another friend of mine asked why I let it get to me? I had no idea what to tell him. I was a bit angry at *Bradley for some things that have yet to be resolved. The way it all ended, they probably likely never will be resolved to my liking or satisfaction.  Yet here I was pissed off at him still. I talked to another friend of mine later in the day, recounted all of the crap I had endured and waited for her confirmation that yep, he is an utter waste. What I got instead was another round of Why does this all still bother you?

Which got me to thinking- why does it bother me? Why do I let him get to me. I know he is a waste, nothing old or new about him surprises me, why should I care? So ther…

Who do you love?

The Dalai Lama once said, "Love until it hurts".  For anyone who has loved someone so much it hurts, you know what it costs you in the end.  A dear friend of mine loved someone else that deeply, I have loved someone that deeply and I am sure many others have as well. My friend- well her loved one passed away recently. My beloved, well for various reasons we have drifted apart over the years and lost contact altogether. Although we each handle grieving the loss of that love in different ways, it is still a loss, nonetheless.  Sometimes the love can be resurrected, sometimes it cannot.

I have thought about those words, Love until it hurts, and wondered a few things about the context in which they were said. Although we each have our own perception of things, I wondered Who or What we are to Love until it hurts. Are we supposed to love someone else so much it hurts? Are we supposed to love an animal, a creature until it hurts? Or as we supposed to love an inanimate object or so…

I love you, I hate you

I recently came across an article online about how women secretly feel towards men.

Article here

Most of this I think we can all relate to.  We hate them for some things, love them for others and they will never understand our reasons behind some of the things we do. Even if we know it drives them insane. And sometimes it is clear- they do come from Mars.

Hmmmmm

Lately I have been taking a long, hard, deep look at myself and some of the things going on around me. I have backed off in a lot of areas in life. A man I know once told me he is a very private person. I deeply respect that of him and have been working towards that in my own life as well. 

There are several people I know with Birthdays this time of year. I have tried to message each of them on their special day, to let them know I remembered it. One of them I have recently become back in contact with and when their day came- they couldn't believe I remembered it after all this time.  Some things a Pixie mind just never forgets.

Besides all of the Birthdays happening, there have been a few other monumental days occurring in and around my life. Anniversaries- both good and bad things, beginnings, endings, and although sometimes I may feel like shouting for joy or grieving a loss, I remain silent, maintaining my privacy.  It is but my own happiness or grief, to reflect upon.  Somet…
Worry not my sweets. I have not been going through any bad stuff lately even tho my last post may have led to different thoughts. I have been of on a holiday of sorts. Finding myself, seeing myself in a far different light and the results?  Astounding my lovelies. Simply astounding.

One of my Besty's in Pixieland had posted a link that has brought me full tilt into a world of thought I had no idea existed. She had no idea of what she'd done until long after it had happened actually.  Which is kind of funny and I pixie-promise to share the story with you later.

For now just rest knowing that I have reached a point in life where I am... Me. I am the best me I can be and actually that's not even true. I can always improve if I so choose it.

Blessings and all my best for a beautiful summer!


~ Pixie ~

Damaged goods

It's the beautiful bird that gets caged. Not always. Sometimes the stalkers don't actually care if they hit their target or not.   It's not even about the thrill of the hunt for them either. In reality it is their own selfish persuit of whtever we have that they think will make them a better person. 

Sorry to burst their pathetic bubble.
Clothes don't make the man and one size does not fit all. 

Just because I have it and it is doing well for me, under my care or because of my work and dilligence, does not mean you will have the same results.  You may take something away from me, but it just won't be the same for you.  BTW- some things you just can't take away from people. Nothing you can do or say will mar their image.

There are also times when the 'prize' gets damaged or even destroyed in the process of being acquired or taken from others.  What happens then?  Nobody gets the 'prize' because it is ruined. It becomes a matter of, If I cannot…

Beautiful birds

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In a recent discussion with a dear friend, we have both bared the truth about things we may not have known about each other.  Things we admit to, ways we in turn, hold ourselves back. Things others have perceived about us, which we may have been a Johnny-come-lately in realizing. Some of them- it took a different way of explaining them before the light bulb came on and we understood (albeit a bit too fully) what was happening and why???? 

I have had people stalking my blog. I make no account for them or their act of doing this. Why do they do it? Maybe so they can gain insight to the way I think, the things I do, the way they perceive I behave? Sure. Any and all of those. Are they looking for something to hold over me or use against me later? Probably.  Why? Good question. Ask them and they will deny everything. Their type always will.

Am I the only one who has online stalkers? Far from it. I am not alone or that special. In fact my friend Sasha has a whole bunch of them! She is stalk…

A topic misunderstood...

A dear friend of mine and I were recently discussing religion. One of those taboo topics people often do not touch. With all of the concerns out there to be politically correct, I can understand why. Things people are passionate about, often makes for some intense if not heated discussions.
The Pagan religions or beliefs are probably one of the most misunderstood things out there in the spiritual world today. There is more earth based rites of passage, rituals to bring about good and a simple belief that whatever you cast about, comes back at least threefold if good, tenfold otherwise. You celebrate the seasons, not so much holidays.
As the moon becomes more full, (a waxing moon) you pray for good things to come into your life, as it wanes- you pray for the bad stuff to leave with it. There is a time for the earth to lay quiet, the fields fallow and unplanted. In the spring- the planting season, it is a time to celebrate rebirth, a chance to start again new, fresh, better.

The ele…

It's nice when others notice

It's nice when others notice,
the little things you have done.
The words of a thank you note
I read when I am alone.

To hear those simple words,
accomplishment and praise.
Brings back the spark of hope
On what may be darker days.

To know that someone else could see
the good in what I've done.
I keep it tucked inside my coat,
and read it now and then.

Placing it in the envelope,
I will soon pull it out again.
Reading the words over,
Feeling the peace and zen.

Funny how a few small lines,
can often say so much.
Bring a smile, warmth and joy,
feelings of love and such.

Yet when the words were written,
Their author didn't know,
The simple pleasure they would bring,
Or how often the reader would glow.

Each new day

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A road sign on the side of the highway I see each morning during my commute has two simple words on it.  It is a sign for a shelter and says- Begin Again.

Each new day is our chance to Begin Again. If we don't like where we are at- what can we do to change it? Things aren't going our way? Well they don't always do, but tomorrow we get the chance to try it again.

Bob Perks wrote a lovely piece on Beliefnet titled Begin Again. Quite a lovely post, I do say. The words have been resonating in my head for some time on this.

I was recently shopping and heard a song over the public address system that caught my attention. The lyrics asked "What are you going to do with your life?" Which is a question I have begun to ask myself often. What AM I going to do with my life? Am I living it mindlessly or am I going to LIVE it, doing what I enjoy. I could easily sit around and watch while others live theirs, living vicariously through them. That's not exactly fun though is…

Sunshine & butterflies

Had a wonderful day recently. I sit out on my veranda and watch people go by. Sipping my morning coffee, feeling a blissful breeze and taking in everything around me.  I was able to just "be".

To be in the moment, looking for the good in things, relishing my achievements in life... smiling on the inside and out. 

What a glorious feeling.

I have recently begun to rekindle a friendship in a person I knew long ago. We drifted apart over time, but we have recently sought to reconnect.  Her path and mine have been similar at times, different at others, but we still headed the same direction for the most part.  She had been so daring, outspoken and bold, where I have been a bit reticent to speak out.  Our worlds have been different, yet so much the same one.  Kindred spirits have a way of coming back around.

Same old, same old.

A tiger doesn't change their stripes. We have all heard this and variations of it. A Rose is a Rose. Yet some people try to change their names, have surgery done, get makeovers and still they are the same within. 

The last post spoke of those who complain about things or tell you not to, you can't or whatever comes to mind, yet they themselves have done nothing to fix the situation, help or let alone institute a change.  The other end of the spectrum is those who try too hard to change everything about themselves, but either they forget, ignore or simply don't know that the biggest changes come from within.

We have seen the person who goes to the salon, pays out in excess for a tan from the tanning beds, changes their hair color, gets cosmetic surgeries galore- to change their nose, reduce wrinkles, enlarge their breasts, remove fat and all for naught, because they are still the same person on the inside. Same personality, same intelligence (or lack of), same sense of hum…

What would You do?

Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.

- Shel Silverstein

Certainly words to live by. Why is it we all pick the most negative things about ourselves and dwell on them? Is that going to change them or make them go away?  Not unless we do something about it, they won't.  If we are overweight or eat a horrid diet, we can get off our couch and excercise, change what we pick up at the market or keep feeling bad about being overweight...

If we don't like the way something is going or has turned out- we can either offer suggestions to help, offer to go back and fix it or keep quiet about our opinions and live with the results. If you have not done anything to help initiate the change- you have no ground to stand on when it comes to complaints. 

When we are the one doing the work and under everyo…

Insult to injury

What is it that drives some people to the point of being so completely bitter and nasty that they feel the need to insult others? Are they attempting to bring everyone down to their level? Are they trying to elevate their own stature by doing this?  

I have watched a person from a safe distance, over the past few months become so bitter and nasty, a person who is never happy, always in a foul mood. I have watched as they lashed out at others and been so incredibly mean and downright nasty, that I can honestly say- I don't even know who they are anymore. As a friend- it is sort of a 'duty' to try to stop them before they fall. Are they one of those 'toxic friendships' as discussed in another post? Certainly.  At some point, you have to distance yourself from the 'toxic friends' in order to maintain your own sanity.

Like beggets like.  Their negativity attracts negativity. Things will go wrong, it will spiral as it circles the drain and escalates. Their world…

Wasted time

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There are times in life when we are given the gift of knowledge of how to proceed, where to go to find answers and when to do what needs to be done. But sometimes we find the very answers to our troubling questions have been there all along. We have just ignored them, forgotten them or maybe even banished the very thought.  How could we know the answers, yet still beat our head on the wall while repeatedly asking the question?

When the light of a new day dawns and we see for the first time in a long time, what needs to be done, where we go from here to get it done and that the tools to do the job are in our reach- it is reassuring, has a calming effect and at the same time is inspiring, uplifting and enlightening. Our burdens are lifted, if even for a little while, our energy levels boosted and we take on a whole new light.  We exude confidence, strength and happiness.

And yet sometimes we come back to that same wall we beat our heads on and ask WHY?  We beat ourselves up over the si…
"I've learned so much from my mistakes...
I'm thinking of making a few more!"

Haven't we all been there?  If we don't learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them.  They are there, our mistakes. The failures we learned from and the lessons they teach us.  We don't learn from the things that come easy to us, we learn by the trials and tough times life throws our way.

Still some people live in a reality world of their own making. One where truth or consequences have nothing to do with responsibility or accountability.  A world void of black or white because it is made up of gray matter. Half truths, omitted details and sugar coating are the mainstays of their home life. They thrive on deceit and take pride in taking advantage.

Our lessons are not their lessons, but that doesn't stop them from trying. They try their mightiest to take credit, talk the talk and run with the big dogs.  Sad part of it is, they are way out of their league and only a…