Thursday, November 19, 2015

I'm Due for an Upgrade

Over the past few months, I have gotten a chance to learn some things about someone I thought I knew. I wasn't intending to go down this road, but I'm on it and this is where it has led me. I thought I knew this person pretty well. Things they liked, things they didn't and how they viewed the world around them. I will admit to being wrong on several accounts here. I am not disappointed in being wrong, nor am I saddened by it. Theirs is not my cross to bear.

There are some things I have been pretty close on. Some things that others have pointed out over the years that have been spot on as well. And as things came hurtling in my direction from them as a personal attack on me? Instead of meeting them halfway and engaging in the shouting match and ensuing argument they expected? I let them run with it. I remained quiet and let them have their say. I dare say, they thought they were so right. They thought I was everything they had just pointed out to me. In their eyes I am nothing.

When it was all over and done, I thanked them for pointing out how worthless they think I am. How I have no taste, no class and how even though they think everything about me is no more than trash and beneath them, I am the one they have turned to for help. I am the one they have expected to bail them out. Me in all my trashy, worthless, bad karma, glory self has been there, had their back, rescued them and saved their ass on more than one occasion. So if they don't like me, don't like my help and apparently don't appreciate it? Well I'm more than happy to back off. Let's see what happens when I'm not there, don't support them and I'm no longer their doormat.

Friday, October 9, 2015

What is your worth?

I keep getting an email in my inbox that has been circulating the web for a very long time. It describes women and how they are supportive, caring and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I get it. We are. We are or can be all of that, all of those things at one time or another in our lives. At the end it says the one weakness women have is they don't often realize how much they are worth. I get that part too. We often put others before ourselves. Take care of everything else before taking care of our own needs. It happens a lot, not just in my own life, but in the lives of many others as well.

Sometimes we will listen to others who say negative things and put us down. They are not only trying to wipe out our self esteem, but destroy our sense of self worth in the process too. This is also not just a one way street. Men and women of all ages do it to each other every day. It's a pretty fair playing field in that respect. Disgusting, but fair.

It's kind of strange though, how the lack of worth a person has may also be their one saving grace. I know a person in this very position. They are clueless to the number of people who view them with complete and utter disgust for something they have done and as a result, they have a huge target on their back. There is no bounty on their head, because to the 'hunters', this prey has no worth. This person remains on this earth, on the word of the one person whom they despise, blame for their situation and who they think is their sworn enemy until such time, as one of them shall pass... they are still allowed to look at the ground from the top, simply because, they have no worth.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Walking thru fire

The title of this is a rather metaphoric phrase. Lately I have come to realize that I am essentially walking thru fire. There has been a lot of drama and turmoil in my life lately. Adding to it, the fact that it has all been created by others, makes it all the more difficult to find clarity at times, getting thru the smoke.

There have been days where the key players do nothing but argue. Tearing at each other with no remorse, no apologies, no concern for the carnage they cause or the wake of destruction they leave behind. No, their focus is on the outcome best for them and nothing more. They triangulate their arguments, but they don't include me in any of it. Which is just fine I must say, because I choose not to engage. I've dealt with my share of insanity in life and I don't anymore.

I have been over everything that has led us to this point, over and over and over again. I have Nothing. I have no issue with taking my licks when they are justly deserved, claiming MY mistakes when I make them or otherwise owning up to my shortcomings. But when someone accuses me of something I didn't do, it puts me on edge. I question their motives, which is usually nothing more than to cover their arse.

When things are settled, I will have no problem walking away from it all. I will have shed the burden of their negativity and all that goes with it. Right now I am walking thru fire.

Although it may be a tough concept for some to grasp, fire can be quite cleansing. Fire burns it all away. Fire is what will leave me clean, whole and ready to start fresh. The fire is purging things from me, my surroundings and life. Things which I no longer need. The flames flicker and dance, move in and draw back. Threaten and retreat, before latching on and destroying the negative, the dying and decaying of what once was. I am at the center of it, but yet unharmed. I am strong and I can walk thru fire.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Pray for your enemy

Pray for your enemy, for you'll never enter the Kingdom of Heaven with hatred in your heart

I seen this in the comments on a post about a black police officer helping an older white man out of the heat at a KKK rally. Many were commenting that this officer was 'only doing his job' and what if it was a white officer helping a black man? Would it still be news??? Some of the other comments questioned if the white man may change his outlook and views? That is up to him.

I'm glad that at least the description of what is seen is not lost. Many times over we hear of people spewing lies and deceit, putting their own spin on things to fit their agenda. In cases like that, what is actually happening in real life, at that moment... is twisted and distorted for their own sense of gain.

I have prayed for people I may not like or trust. I pray for them often as theirs is a world I choose not to be a part of. While I have prayed for them, I do not request, nor do I expect that they would return the sentiment. Why should I when it would be void of all sincerity?

They are not my enemies for I do not hate them. Hate is a term to be used sparingly. And while I do not hate them, they may expressly loathe my very existance. Isn't that special?

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

pixie promise

It's been a while since I have posted and I apologize for the time in between what I've posted recently. Having been traveling with my career, many times I'm exhausted when my head hits the pillow at night. I'll try to do better this year. Pixie Promise.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Slipping away

Slipping away in the night,
Innocence gone in the dark,
The flames of passion lit,
Fire from a spark.

No one was around,
To know what we had done,
The only one who ever knew,
The elusive man in the moon.

Never a regret,
Nothing done wrong,
It wasn't long until,
You had to move on.

Now you come and go,
On the slightest of a breeze,
Whenever you're here,
It brings me to my knees.

I'm glad to have you back,
While praying that you'll stay,
Knowing that you're leaving,
A little closer every day.

Not knowing when,
You'll be at my door,
Asking for my heart again,
That I can't give to you anymore.

You're passing thru my life,
But I feel you slipping away,
There's no telling where you are,
On any given day.

Before we know it,
Time has gone by,
You're out of reach,
Neither of us knows why.

May feelings never fade,
Memories always last,
Love as deep and strongly
Passions remain intact.

Life goes on living,
'Til its written in stone,
Leaving behind the ones we love,
To face life on their own.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Amazing things

Some of the most incredible people, say amazing things. Sometimes it is unexpected and often when you need to hear it the most. What makes these things even more amazing and the people even more incredible for saying them- they usually don't think anything of it. The words just roll off their tongue without a second thought about the size of the impact they are about to make. "It's what you do in love, it's a giant leap of faith."