No regrets

I once let someone very dear to me at the time, slip away from me without telling them how I felt. I carried that baggage around for about four years. I thought of them often, wondered if I would ever get the chance to tell them and hoped beyond prayer that they were ok all this time.

During that time- I moved several times, got a new cell phone, changed my number a few times and still thought about them every. single. day. I knew it wasn't right for us to be around each other, we would never get along well enough to live under the same roof sharing a flat and knew they had issues. I also knew they could call, email, write or even show up in my life (or on my doorstep for that matter) on any given day. This person always, always, Always knew how to find me.

When the day came to finally have the chance to tell them how I felt, how I thought of them every. single. damn. day... it was one of the most awkward moments life could have ever thrown my way.

I took that chance though. I spilled it. I poured my heart out and told them, because I knew if I didn't seize the moment then, I don't know if it ever would have come around again. I had little regard for anyone within earshot as to how they felt upon hearing the words spilling out of my mouth. I just knew that I had to say them. Once said, I could finally relax and let it all go. It was as if a weight had been lifted for me. If that person died tomorrow, I knew they would go knowing I how much I cared for them.  And while I still think about them often, I still care for them, I know I took that chance and let them know. At this point in life, although I still care, I doubt I will ever hear from them again. Whatever happens, I am okay with the outcome.

Just last week, someone else who's special to me said some things that meant a lot. I got the chance this morning to thank them. They did it out of love and because of lifes crazy circumstances, there wasn't much they could do.  Still I appreciate it. A lot. It's the little things.  So with tears in my eyes and my voice threatening to crack at any time, I thanked them.   When they said- "That was a few days ago..."  Yeah. I have been thinking about it ever since because it made my day.