Sheltering or shattering?
Why is it those who are closest to us seem to cause us the most pain and distress? Usually they do it without even thinking or realizing it either. Things between me and my other half (MOH) have been going through some serious changes recently. The applecart has not only been upset, but rather more likely rolled over and flattened in some instances. Feelings have been shut out and the walls have gone up. Trust has been broken and in some ways, so grossly tread upon to the point of being beyond hope, let alone sturdy enough to withstand any repairs. The very foundation of things has been rocked and shaken, not just stirred.
I have recently suffered a pretty significant blow in life on a personal level. In dealing with it and the costs involved, (financial and emotional) my other half felt the need to step in and 'handle things' for me. I didn't really need the help and could have dealt with everything, pretty much myself, but I let him do it anyways. Accepting and appreciating the help others give, (as I have said before and somewhere else) are two things that can be difficult to do.
I have learned in the past day or so, MOH is really in no position to have handled anything. Why MOH feels the need to step in and do things, when I have it covered? I'm not sure I can really say because I don't understand it myself. When MOH feels he has sheltered me from the storms that happen in life, at times, all that has been done, is he has shattered and disturbed things he doesn't understand. And so it goes, that on top of the blows I have already taken, I will be stepping in to clean up yet another mess that has been created FOR me, by someone trying to take care OF me.
I have recently suffered a pretty significant blow in life on a personal level. In dealing with it and the costs involved, (financial and emotional) my other half felt the need to step in and 'handle things' for me. I didn't really need the help and could have dealt with everything, pretty much myself, but I let him do it anyways. Accepting and appreciating the help others give, (as I have said before and somewhere else) are two things that can be difficult to do.
I have learned in the past day or so, MOH is really in no position to have handled anything. Why MOH feels the need to step in and do things, when I have it covered? I'm not sure I can really say because I don't understand it myself. When MOH feels he has sheltered me from the storms that happen in life, at times, all that has been done, is he has shattered and disturbed things he doesn't understand. And so it goes, that on top of the blows I have already taken, I will be stepping in to clean up yet another mess that has been created FOR me, by someone trying to take care OF me.
What is the line ,"the rode to hell is paved with good intentions" Somewhere out there there is a huge disconnect with men to women , it the give us what we ACTUALLY need from you , not the quick easy what you think we might need , or what sooths your concience. In trying to "save us " they often put us at somewhat higher risk. I don't believe it is intenional or malicious very often , but it is sure as hell upsetting . The work you have been doing over the last while , to find your feet in your situation has been difficult I know, but whatever your future holds I know you will go in eyes wide open and well prepared
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like things are getting rougher for you guys. Wished I had words of wisdom, unfortunately I do not. fern summed it up pretty well though. She's a smart cookie, that fern.
ReplyDeleteAnd that BEC's, is because she too, knows from experience. You probably do too which is why her words make so much sense. LOL
ReplyDeleteThey may try, but in all actuallity- often make things worse and piss us off in the process. It might be hard for them, but if they would just leave us alone and let us hadle what we can handle, things wouldn't be so off kilter in our worlds. It might all be clear as mud for them.
Clear as mud would be giving them more credit than is due. The fact is men are wired differently that we are and they don't get that. Most of the time they think they know best what we need and don't even bother to listen to what we really need. It's a smart man that has figured out he needs to listen to the woman in his life if he really wants to help her. i know lots of me who think they are that smart but few who actually have it figured out.
ReplyDeleteBINGO! We have a BINGO! RR you hit the nail on the head with that one.
ReplyDeleteCan we kick them off the planet and back to their own any time soon? Oh what a change that would make in life, if it were to actually happen.