Sunday, July 31, 2011

Where Dreams go to die

Somewhere there is a place nearby
where rarely there is but a dry eye,
A place where tears ebb and flow
A place where some dare not to go.

A place so dark, dreary and drab
Sometimes a place scattered with slabs,
Stone and granite, chiseled and carved
Where thoughts and hope are often starved.

It's not always close or even far
To reach this place, it's where you are,
A place that is rarely as it would seem
Certainly not a palace of dreams.

It is instead a place of despair
A place where often be still the air,
What is this place? It is no lie,
It's the place where Dreams go to die.

Nothing grows there trees, grass, nor weeds
The wind doesn't blow to scatter their seeds.
The air instead is calm and still
For all is lost- hope and will.

Beneath the ground these dreams are buried
Beyond existence their reasons varied,
Those who held these Dreams so true
have given up and you shall too.

The sun may shine, the rain may fall
Promises broken to one and all,
Once you're there, you too shall know
Why to this place not many go.

Looking out across the land
Nobody cares to understand,
You will not question, nor wonder why
This is where Dreams go to die.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I wish you the best

With the recent loss of a friendship, I want to make something clear.  I do not wish them any ill intent in life. I may not understand why they behaved the way they did, the basis of their decisions or anything else about why they have chosen to walk away, but it doesn't mean I need to wish for anything bad to happen to them.

Instead I wish the best for them.  May you find peace and tranquility in the life you have chosen.  To know you are turning your back on me for someone else you just met? I can not say I understand your choice, but I can respect your wishes that we no longer speak or be in touch.

I can also clearly say at this time, if things are to change later on in life, you choose to re-open those lines of communication and expect me to pick up where we left off as if nothing happened...  I honestly don't know how I will handle it if that day comes.  I may or may not welcome you back with open arms.  You will just have to take what you get. Just saying you're sorry just doesn't fix everything between us.

For now I must close the book on this chapter in my life.   Closing my eyes, won't make the pain go away.  Drying my tears, won't make them sting any less.  The memories may fade with time and eventually my heart will stop beating for you.  Until that day comes, I still wish you the best in life.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Deliberate disobedience

Similar to deliberate deception, but not quite the same. One is lying, the other is often followed by lying. You decide which is which.  Either way, both are disrespectful.  

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

One door closes

We have all heard the saying.

When one door closes another one opens...
There's an alternative to this, that another door may open but getting through the hallway is a real bitch!  I'm pretty sure we have all been there too.  Life isn't always easy or pretty.

But what happens when you are in the room where the door is now closed?  Is there a window? Is it open or will it ever?
All good things must come to an end.  A lot of people have probably heard or lived this one too.  And when those 'good things' come to an end, is there something saying it is to be a happy ending? Not all of them are. 

I am experiencing a door closing, a 'good thing' or at least what I may have thought was a good thing at one time, coming to an end.  This ones star seems to have fizzled out. It happens and I am not upset. Disappointed? Immensely, yes. I am losing someone I considered a friend. Maybe a lot more than a friend, more like family. 

What really saddens me in all of this though is how some people can't even remotely begin to be honest about stuff.  There is no accountability for anything they have said or done, no remorse for having led others to believe something while they live the exact opposite of their words and actions.  How they can let someone believe what they want, and even encourage those thoughts, feelings and emotions by throwing fuel on the fire here and there, then standing back and watching it burn- knowing the whole time it is no more than smoke and ashes...  I clearly don't understand the shallow minded.  

It is not in my nature to take all of the memories and cast them aside.  Those things that were said, the places we went, the long talks, being able to speak freely with no fear of judgement, an unspoken rule of secrecy, the trust, the closeness, the intimacy...  Not exactly something that can be quickly or even easily replaced.  Sure the memories will fade over time. Maybe they will take with them the feelings of loss and disappointment too.  Those things that tarnish the metal I thought this was all made of.

And yet I am left thinking of the mutual friend that brought us together. It is their birthday today.  Although I haven't spoken to them in years, our connection is still strong. I wish them all the best on this day, every year. I wish them all the best whether I can actually tell them or not.  Although they didn't always have my best interest at heart, I know what I had to work with.  I may have lost them too in some sense of the word, but somehow it doesn't quite compare.  Although I know when I hear from them again, it will be just like old times. Picking up right where we left off, without a hitch.

Even if no good can ever come of it. *snickers*