More than expected

One rule in life is to always be careful what you wish for. When casting spells and brewing in the cauldron, be specific. Be very specific. But at the same time- be careful. Be very, VERY careful.  Since finding my hearts freedom I have subconsiously been longing for someone to fill the void.  

There has been a person in my life for several years now. Someone I didn't speak to often, but when we did it was strictly business.  We joked, we jest, but nothing has ever come of it. Not until recently and I honestly can't really remember how this crazy mess all got started.

There are so many ironies in the crossing of our paths, it is incredible. Stunning at times and often quite difficult to grasp, then all of a sudden it flows together so well. I longed for him. And without even knowing it- I called for him. Now that he is finally here, there are times I have tried to shut him out, push him away and fear he isn't what I had thought. Until I had so recently realised what I had done. What I once had was magical on a number of levels. I so badly wanted that back. What I wanted was something close to that as I doubted that lightening could ever strike twice. What I have now is nothing I had ever expected.

As I face turbulent waters, he is the steadfast rock. My mind swirls and he speaks with perfect clarity.  I throw it all out there and he reels back in the important stuff. While there are times and things in which I find confusion- he sees right through it all and tells me to make up my mind and asks me what do I really WANT? While there are things to do and stuff to clear away, he reminds me of his undying patience, incredible strength and amazing willingness to endure. He encourages me to go on my way, while reassuring me that he will be waiting when I get back.

I challenge him, ask him of things he hasn't done in life. I swear he is missing out! Would he be willing to try? For me, some things he would. What I question as personal weaknesses, he sees as my greater strengths. I can be outgoing while he tends to hold back. It all sounds like crazy talk, but in the end makes too. much. perfect. sense.

It's all but a fine mess I have gotten into and without even trying.

So what is a Bad Pixie to do?