Fairytales from Pixieland

Why is it those who are closest to us seem to cause us the most pain and distress?  Usually they do it without even thinking or realizing it either.  Things between me and my other half (MOH) have been going through some serious changes recently. The applecart has not only been upset, but rather more likely rolled over and flattened in some instances.  Feelings have been shut out and the walls have gone up.  Trust has been broken and in some ways, so grossly tread upon to the point of being beyond hope, let alone sturdy enough to withstand any repairs.  The very foundation of things has been rocked and shaken, not just stirred. I have recently suffered a pretty significant blow in life on a personal level. In dealing with it and the costs involved, (financial and emotional) my other half felt the need to step in and 'handle things' for me. I didn't really need the help and could have dealt with everything, pretty much myself, but I let him do it...

I guess sometimes we have to look back at where we came from, to get an idea of where we are going. Sometimes we do this to remember what we were like before, or to enable ourselves to shift away from the things we disliked about our behavior.  We look at how we used to do things, what we are doing now, what we never allowed compared to what we allow now...  We may like what we see, or maybe not.  One thing a lot of us do is find fault within ourselves too easily. We also focus on the I should have, could have, would have, etc.  The things that seem to stand out in our minds? The bad stuff, the meanest things we have ever heard, the ugly and the negative...  Why is it we lose sight or track of the fun we shared with someone? Why do we lose sight of our goals, because of a few things one person says?  Why is it so easy to just give in and give up? Why is it so easy to point fingers and lay blame- on someone else?  Because we don't have to face them ...

I am a little late in writing this post, but I have finally gotten around to it. Better late than never.  With the new year, a lot of people are making their resolutions. Deciding on what they need to work on improving this year. I haven't really gotten around to thinking about it yet.  After all, what does a bad pixie like me need to work on? There have been a few revelations on my part lately. A few good long looks in the mirror and some outsider insight into things.  Thankfully someone else sees the things I somehow missed... I am still on the fence about my one main goal for the year.  I think it may be one of a few things.  I don't want to say what they are, as then I am committed to those things. I want to try keeping my options open for now.