Friday, October 9, 2015

What is your worth?

I keep getting an email in my inbox that has been circulating the web for a very long time. It describes women and how they are supportive, caring and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I get it. We are. We are or can be all of that, all of those things at one time or another in our lives. At the end it says the one weakness women have is they don't often realize how much they are worth. I get that part too. We often put others before ourselves. Take care of everything else before taking care of our own needs. It happens a lot, not just in my own life, but in the lives of many others as well.

Sometimes we will listen to others who say negative things and put us down. They are not only trying to wipe out our self esteem, but destroy our sense of self worth in the process too. This is also not just a one way street. Men and women of all ages do it to each other every day. It's a pretty fair playing field in that respect. Disgusting, but fair.

It's kind of strange though, how the lack of worth a person has may also be their one saving grace. I know a person in this very position. They are clueless to the number of people who view them with complete and utter disgust for something they have done and as a result, they have a huge target on their back. There is no bounty on their head, because to the 'hunters', this prey has no worth. This person remains on this earth, on the word of the one person whom they despise, blame for their situation and who they think is their sworn enemy until such time, as one of them shall pass... they are still allowed to look at the ground from the top, simply because, they have no worth.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Walking thru fire

The title of this is a rather metaphoric phrase. Lately I have come to realize that I am essentially walking thru fire. There has been a lot of drama and turmoil in my life lately. Adding to it, the fact that it has all been created by others, makes it all the more difficult to find clarity at times, getting thru the smoke.

There have been days where the key players do nothing but argue. Tearing at each other with no remorse, no apologies, no concern for the carnage they cause or the wake of destruction they leave behind. No, their focus is on the outcome best for them and nothing more. They triangulate their arguments, but they don't include me in any of it. Which is just fine I must say, because I choose not to engage. I've dealt with my share of insanity in life and I don't anymore.

I have been over everything that has led us to this point, over and over and over again. I have Nothing. I have no issue with taking my licks when they are justly deserved, claiming MY mistakes when I make them or otherwise owning up to my shortcomings. But when someone accuses me of something I didn't do, it puts me on edge. I question their motives, which is usually nothing more than to cover their arse.

When things are settled, I will have no problem walking away from it all. I will have shed the burden of their negativity and all that goes with it. Right now I am walking thru fire.

Although it may be a tough concept for some to grasp, fire can be quite cleansing. Fire burns it all away. Fire is what will leave me clean, whole and ready to start fresh. The fire is purging things from me, my surroundings and life. Things which I no longer need. The flames flicker and dance, move in and draw back. Threaten and retreat, before latching on and destroying the negative, the dying and decaying of what once was. I am at the center of it, but yet unharmed. I am strong and I can walk thru fire.